Have you had a C-section before? If so, how was it? Would you describe it as magical, amazing, spiritual, exactly what you wanted?
If you’re reading this post, my guess is if you’ve had a c-section it probably wasn’t all that it could be. But I’m here to tell you – it can be different.
I gave birth to my first child in June of 2020 – a covid baby. A C-section was the furthest thing from my mind, so going into that operating room was intimidating and I had no idea what to expect.
Read my first birth story here.
I gave birth to my second child in March of 2022. He was born with HLHS which required immediate CVICU attention after delivery, but I was still allowed to try for a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). We were very close, but ultimately that birth ended in a C-section as well.
You can read about my second birth story here.
After having two prior C-sections, I developed a uterine window (thinning of the uterine wall) during my third pregnancy which immediately landed me in the C-section world yet again. Leading up to delivery though, I had started doing a ton of research on VBACs, but I also knew in the back of my mind I might have to get a C-section if I couldn’t find a doctor to support VBA2C (vaginal birth after two cesareans).
After every single effort on my end and exhausting all my options, I knew I would have to deliver via C-section, and finding a uterine window at my 36-week appointment was the nail in the coffin.
Luckily, during all my VBAC research, I also started hearing about “gentle cesareans”. My interest was peaked. Could I actually have a C-section that didn’t feel so . . . surgical?
Turns out, you can make requests that can turn a standard C-section into a delivery that actually involves you and your spouse, and feels more intimate. If this sounds better than your last C-section – keep reading!
Related Posts
I firmly believe as pregnant women we should educate ourselves on both types of birth – natural delivery and delivery via cesarean. The huge, number one, hands down, no questions asked thing I think you should educate yourself on are your options.
Part of preparing for my VBAC involved listening to The VBAC Link podcast. I am a sucker for birth stories, and listening to others’ stories of successful VBACs was inspiring. The VBAC Link was the first time I heard the term “gentle cesarean”.
What is a “gentle” cesarean??
A gentle cesarean essentially tries to bring in as many aspects of a natural birth into the operating room as possible.
When I started hearing women speak about different things they got to do during their C-sections, I immediately wrote down a list of what I wanted so I could ask my OB at my next appointment.
I was surprised when my doctor said yes to basically everything I asked for. At the same time, it was somewhat frustrating knowing that I could get these things I wanted, but doctors aren’t telling women they have other options. We shouldn’t have to go to podcasts and blog posts to know that we have a voice in our birth experience, but hopefully, the trend is that women are learning and that doctors are realizing that women are educating themselves more about their options.
In a perfect world, when a doctor tells a woman she needs a C-section, the follow-up question addressed to the woman would be, “How do you want that to look? Do you have any special requests? Here are the things we can accommodate,”. If your doctor doesn’t say any of this, this is when you speak up and let your wishes be known.
I’ll give you an example of how this could look by comparing my standard C-sections with my gentle C-section, which was my third birth.
My Standard C-sections
My first two C-sections both happened after laboring. My first birth was an induction after going a week past my due date. I had labored for about ten hours before being prepped for a C-section. That C-section call was after my daughter’s heart rate had started dipping during contractions and eventually, it was taking her heart rate too long to come back up. I hadn’t attempted any pushing before that C-section.
My second birth was an induction because my son was diagnosed with HLHS at my 20-week ultrasound. I could not risk going into labor and not making it to the hospital on time because he would require immediate NICU attention after birth and would have to quickly be transferred over to the CVICU.
I was only induced two days before my due date for that birth, but I ended up laboring for almost two whole days! 42 hours to be exact. I then attempted to push for 4.5 hours. You can see why at the start of my post I said we were so close. I could see his head, but it kept popping back up when I would stop. Pure and utter exhaustion took over and I was the one that requested the C-section.
For my first C-section, I remember the doctor giving a quick explanation of why we were doing a C-section, getting my consent, and another quick explanation of how he would make his incision. I know some women don’t even get these quick explanations, unfortunately.
My second C-section was my choice, so consent was already given. I was so tired and still experiencing contractions while being wheeled into the operating room that if anybody was speaking to me, I honestly don’t remember. I had to tell my husband to make sure I didn’t fall asleep during that surgery because I was so tired I was afraid I would miss it.
During my first and second C-sections I had already had an epidural placed, so those were just increased instead of receiving a separate spinal block.
My husband was out of the operating room for the first few minutes with my first two C-sections while they prepped me. He was allowed in before anything started.
My doctors asked me if I could feel them pinching me before they started cutting. Crazy side note that I have to make – in horrifying fashion, I’ve heard stories of women who could feel the surgeon cutting them because the surgeon didn’t check with them before starting or – even more bizarre – did not believe them when they told them they could feel everything! So, let me make it clear, your doctor should ask you if you can feel anything before they begin the incision and should immediately stop if you can feel anything.
Once the surgery started I shifted my focus to my husband as much as I could to distract myself from the tugging, pulling, and pressure sensations. I also have always been lucky with anesthesiologists. They have all been great, and would continually ask me if I was doing okay and kind of give me little updates about what the doctor was doing.
With my second C-section, my arms were restrained. Just thinking about that brings tears to my eyes. I couldn’t even touch my baby when they showed him to me. Considering I only got to see him for a couple of minutes before they whisked him away to NICU, not even getting to touch him or hold him for just a second broke my heart.
My arms were not restrained during my first C-section. It all depends on your hospital’s protocols as to how things will be done during your C-section, which is why it is always best to ask how things will go or make requests to see what can be accommodated.
After my first two babies were pulled out and shown to me over the drape they were both taken to an area that I could not see to be cleaned, suctioned, weighed, and whatever else was needed. This sticks out in my brain so much, because my third baby never left my sight.
With my first baby, born healthy with no complications, the nurses did try telling me a few things like “Wow, she has so much hair!”, or other little comments. We also did have great nurses that asked my husband for his phone so that they could take some pictures of her on the scale and what not.
With my second baby, the NICU team was in NICU mode, which I completely understand, but I didn’t hear anything about my son until they brought him over and showed him to me. I remember nobody really speaking to me at all while he was being looked over and while the doctor was closing me up.
I kind of felt forgotten about at that point – and THAT is the feeling that I’ve heard a lot of moms have when they describe what was lacking in their C-sections.
After they showed my son to me for a couple of minutes (my second birth), he was taken to the NICU. My husband didn’t even get to hold him before they took him away. Since my baby was out of the operating room at this point, I will shift my focus to my first birth.
After they cleaned my daughter up they brought her over swaddled up with a hat on, and gave her to her daddy. My husband got to hold her the entire time they closed me up. While we were waiting for the doctors to finish cleaning up, the nurse took some pictures for us.
Once I was cleaned up they transferred me over to a recovery bed. This is the point where I was handed my daughter and I held her all the way back to recovery.
Very standard, right? Was there anything really wrong with my C-sections? Not really. My doctors always got my consent, my doctors made sure I was completely numb before starting surgery, but then after that, the focus shifted to just the baby. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad my babies were well taken care of, but I was pretty much left out of the picture.
Now, let’s talk about my gentle cesarean – my favorite birth so far! And I’ll note, this was my favorite birth and I didn’t even ask for or get every request I could have.
My Gentle Cesarean
My third C-section, my gentle C-section, was also scheduled. I will be upfront and say that this is a contributing factor to why my third birth was my favorite – I hadn’t labored beforehand so I wasn’t completely exhausted!
You can read my official third birth story here.
My third C-section was scheduled after the ultrasound tech found a uterine window during my 36-week appointment. My c-section was scheduled for 36+6, so my baby was technically “early-term”.
As stated before, once I heard about gentle cesareans I made a list of what I wanted to request and asked my doctor at my next appointment. I also made sure to confirm those things at my last appointment before my C-section date.
I hope you can relay to your doctor how important your birth experience is to you. My doctor saw me all through my second pregnancy, but I had to deliver at our children’s hospital where he would be for CVICU. When she found out he had passed at three months old, she cried with me in her office. She understood how going back in the operating room could be triggering for me, took my requests seriously, and validated my feelings. I hope you can find yourself a doctor this good.
I didn’t want to sound like a diva, but I made sure she knew that I wanted my experience to be the best possible that day, and to make sure the focus was on me and the baby. You’d be surprised what you hear the doctors talking about while they stand over your belly performing major surgery.
The whole operating room staff was extremely friendly and engaging that day. I had the inkling that my doctor had informed them about our last birth and our loss because I could feel the compassion from every person that day. They spoke to me about the baby we were getting ready to deliver and about his big sister at home. It really put me at ease before we started.
When I laid down on the operating table after receiving my spinal block, I got a little teary-eyed. Emotions were starting to flood in. My doctor stopped what she was doing and sat with me and held my hand while everybody else prepped. Again, I hope you can find a doctor that’s this kind.
This is where my specific requests come into play.
I requested a clear drape. I couldn’t get the clear drape from the start, but as soon as they had cut through all seven layers they stopped and switched the green surgical drape over to a clear one. I didn’t mind this. I didn’t care to see what they were doing during the incision part (not that I could have seen that over my belly anyway), I just wanted to be able to to watch them pull my baby out.
I requested for my arms to not be restrained. When I made this request my doctor acted baffled that they restrained my arms during my second C-section. Like I said, every hospital policy is different, so arm restraints might not be a thing where you are delivering. Either way, I knew that would be very triggering for me so I would have fought hard for that one if I had to.
I requested that once my baby was pulled out, I wanted him to be laid on my chest to get that initial wipe down. Looking back I’m not sure why I didn’t say skin-to-skin, but I could feel him on my chest and see him because of the clear drape, and that alone was amazing to me. The doctor pulled him up above the clear drape for a super clear view of him and then laid him on my chest while she suctioned and gave him a quick wipe-down.
I requested delayed cord clamping. By the time my son had been laid on my chest, suctioned and wiped down, and a few pictures snapped, it had been a few minutes, which is what I was hoping for. Neither of my first two babies had any type of delayed cord clamping so I was glad my third was able to get this.
I requested that my baby be in my line of sight the entire time. With my first two births, my babies were taken to an area that I couldn’t see at all. It was down by my feet and I would have never been able to see them no matter how hard I tried. With my gentle cesarean, all I had to do was turn my head to the right side, and I was able to watch him be wiped down, suctioned, and weighed the entire time.
I requested to hold my baby while still on the operating table. Before, I had to wait to hold my baby until I was transferred over to the recovery bed or didn’t get to hold them at all. Since my husband didn’t get to hold his son at all with our second birth, I had no problem letting him take his second son from the nurse and hold him first. It was a really special moment that he didn’t get with his first son.
As soon as he was ready though, he helped hold him up on my chest while the doctors finished closing me up. There’s nothing like holding your baby for the first time.
I requested for as many pictures to be taken as possible and for it to be someone other than my husband if possible. Since our last birth experience was less than ideal, I wanted my husband to be as present as possible. I didn’t want him to have to worry about being a photographer and not feeling fully present in the moment.
I also wanted as many pictures as possible, because with our last birth, we literally got three pictures in the operating room total. One of just our son and two of him being held by my face. We didn’t even get a picture of the three of us, something I will always wish we had.
My doctor pulled someone into the operating room for the sole purpose of taking pictures which I was so grateful for! We got so many great shots, and even the doctor would say to the person with my husband’s phone, “Okay, get ready. You’ll want a picture of this!”. I’m glad we were able to capture so many memories.
Now can you see why my third C-section was so much better than my first two?
How to Make Your C-section “Gentle” – The Requests You Can Make
So, what are all your options? I didn’t request every single thing, and there are a couple of things afterward that I realized would have been nice to ask for. Let’s go over them.
Clear Drape – A clear drape instead of the typical blue or green surgical drape. This will allow you to watch your baby as they are pulled out.
Delayed cord clamping – You can ask how long they will be able to delay the cord clamping. It’s a slightly different circumstance than natural birth because your insides are open and exposed, but the delay in my case was sufficient for my liking.
Partner cuts the cord – This one might be tricky because your partner will have to be in the surgical area, but it is definitely worth the ask! This is one that I was a little bummed I didn’t ask about because my husband has never been able to cut the cord. Even though he doesn’t mind that he hasn’t been able to, I thought it would have been nice.
Skin–to-skin – It might be a little harder because there are things to get out of the way, but you most definitely can get skin-to-skin in the operating room. This one is actually very common with gentle cesareans!
Breastfeeding in the OR – If you can get skin to skin then there’s really no reason you can’t attempt breastfeeding in the OR as well.
Ask to see your placenta – I know this might gross some people out so this request wouldn’t resonate with every reader, but I’m really bummed I didn’t think to ask this! Since I have had all C-section births, I’ve never gotten to see my placenta. I just think it would be really neat to see what was giving my baby life for the past nine months!
Keep baby in your sight while all vitals are taken – Ask where this setup is. If it is out of your line of sight ask if it’s a possibility for that to change. It probably wouldn’t be because of how the operating room is set up – there might not be room to move the warmer somewhere else. If you want eyes on your baby and you’re okay with your partner leaving your side then you could have them stand by the warmer. They could even take pictures while over there as well.
Request music of your choice to be played in the OR – Maybe you had a birthing playlist ready that you didn’t get to use, or there’s a certain song you would like to listen to while in the operating room. There’s no harm in asking if this is a possibility!
A dedicated person for photos – Our doctor grabbed a staff member that was not scheduled to be in the OR at that time to come and take pictures for us. She took so many AND they were good! She even got little video snippets for us. I was so thankful that my doctor dedicated somebody completely different for that so that they had the chance to document everything possible.
A second person in the OR – It’s very typical for just one other person to be in surgery with you. There are doctors though that are allowing a second person in with you, like a doula or your mother. This is a request that I made that was denied, unfortunately.
Ask the doctor to NOT announce the baby’s gender. If you were waiting to find out the gender of your baby and would rather find out on your own with that first look, then ask the doctor to not announce the gender of the baby as they are pulled out and held up. You can be the first one to exclaim whether you just had a boy or a girl! If we have one more baby I don’t want to know the gender, and I think this sounds like a really sweet idea.
Maternal assisted C-section – Have you heard of this?! This is a major ask, but if women don’t start asking, doctors won’t start offering. I first heard of a maternal assisted C-section on The VBAC Link. This mother and her doctor worked together to change policies at the hospital she would be delivering at and made it happen. What an incredible doctor! Essentially, the mother would have to be prepped (“dressed”) differently, but she is the one to reach down and pull her baby out and up onto her chest for immediate skin-to-skin contact. That’s about as close to a natural birth as you’re going to get with a C-section.
Should You Consider a Gentle Cesarean?
If you wanted my opinion, mine would be an immediate “yes”. In my personal experience of having two standard C-sections and one gentle C-section, my gentle C-section was better than my standard ones, hands down.
Is it right for you, though? You have to make that decision for yourself. Maybe there are just a couple of things from the list above that sounded nice – just ask for those things! You don’t have to go all in, but my guess is if you’ve read this far, you’re looking for a different C-section experience the next time around (or hopefully the first time around because you’re doing your research!).
The most important thing is that your birth experience goes as closely to what you hoped for as possible (the things that are in your control, anyway).
I hope you’ve realized you have a voice in your birthing experience. If you know you are having a C-section, start thinking about what you want it to look like and start writing that stuff down to discuss with your doctor. Even if you are planning a natural birth, still have both game plans in your head so that you can discuss both possibilities with your doctor. Your voice is your power in your birthing experience!
Have you heard of gentle cesareans before? Have you heard of any other requests made for gentle cesareans that weren’t mentioned here? I would love to see in the comments!